Some cultural diffrences are not acceptable

When trying to communicate across cultures, being open, showing mutual respect and adapting to the host culture can help to remove obstacles to communication. However, people tend to believe that their own culture is correct, which can lead to ethnocentric pride.

There are many different cultures. For example, Americans focus on individualism and freedom and many Asian cultures value consensus and community. Some cultural differences challenge our basic sense of right and wrong and it is impossible to accept and adapt to these cultural differences. Many cultural differences seem designed to control and diminish others. For example, some cultures oppress women and limit their role in society. In Saudi Arabia, women cannot drive cars and are not allowed to testify in court in most cases.

We can try to adapt, accept and respect these differences to make communication easier, but should we? Communication has other purposes as well, including advocacy and pushing for change. At some point, however, we need to fight for basic principles, like human rights, that we believe are correct even if it results in culture clash.

Rationality, perfectibility, and mutability premises

I do not believe in the rationality, perfectibility, and mutability premises, but do agree that aspects of them are important in American culture.

The rationality premise is based on the idea that most people can use logic to find the truth. However, I think that there are big differences in people’s analytical abilities. Many people do not make good decisions. Also, there is no single truth. People have different perspectives and different decisions are appropriate for different people. However, I do think that the American culture is built on the idea that individuals should have the opportunity to provide for themselves. For example, even if democracy can lead to poor decisions the ideas that individual Americans choose the government and that the government works for the people are important in American culture.

The perfectibility premise is based on the idea that people are born in sin, but can overcome it through hard work and self-control. I do not believe that people are born in sin or that asserting control over basic human nature is necessary to achieve good. However, I do believe that acceptable cultural and moral behavior needs to be learned. Also, hard work and individual achievement are big parts of American culture. Individuals are expected to work hard and take advantage of the opportunity and freedom provided in America. However, the outcomes will vary based on the path people choose.

The mutability premise is that humans can be improved through their environment. I think this is generally true. This belief is part of the reason for free public education or programs for criminals. It may not always work, but is hard to argue with the idea that education can help people improve in general.

Are we creatures of our culture?

I believe that we are “creatures of our culture” only in part and that individual traits and personality are also very important in determining who we are and how we communicate. The definition in the reading by Donald Klopf is that culture is “that part of the environment made by humans.” Culture greatly impacts our assumptions about normal behavior and communication styles. However, I think it is a matter of degree. As quoted from Harry Hoijer in the reading “Intercultural communication, however wide the differences between cultures may be, is not impossible. It is simply more or less difficult.”
The importance of individual traits should not be overlooked. One of my relatives has three adopted children, who are now adults. They were all adopted at childbirth and were raised in the same environment in the same culture. However, they are all have very different personalities and communication styles. One of the children connects emotionally with others; one of them is very logical and reserved; and one of them is very spiritual. Sometimes basic personality differences are just as big a barrier to communication as cultural differences.
In order to overcome the limits of our cutures we need to realize that there are differences and not to assume that things are the same, keep an open mind and ask lots of questions. It is extremely helpful to develop a close friendship with someone in diffrent culture culture. Culture is less of a barrier in communication at a personal level when the other person already understands that you are coming from a different perspective. That person can be a guide and answer questions that may be difficult to ask others. Having a good relationships with a person from a diffrent culture allows to check your assumptions about things as you experience them and also ask questions later to confirm your understanding.

Time orientation

I have noticed that people with time orientation may become frustrated with one another and that this may interfere with their ability to communicate with one another effectively.
I fall into the category of future, pragmatic-action. I am concerned about planning for my kid’s education and my retirement. Every day I plan my kids’ meals, activities and schedules. I want to make sure they get everything they need. One of my relatives has a present orientation. She can never seem to plan ahead and she seems more comfortable being busy in the present and ignoring the future. Even before she had kids, she thought little about the future or the consequences of her actions. When she recently read an article about how much it takes to retire, she decided not to even try saving more. She said that she would never be able to save that much, so why try.
While my relative is a warm and caring person, I interpret what she says based on my underlying feeling that she is irresponsible and doesn’t think ahead. I think she interprets what I say with an underlying feeling that I am judgmental and don’t enjoy life enough. Generally, we get along, but we avoid talking about responsibility and planning. If we do talk about these things, it often leads to frustration or a misunderstanding.

Nonverbal communication and diffrent cultures

I have noticed that nonverbal behavior may mean different things in different cultures. I grew up in Poland and came to the United States as an adult. I noticed that Americans have more physical space around them when they talk. In Poland, this might be considered rude by some people. Usually people during conversations touch each other, such as patting an arm. I have not seen this in an American culture.
Also, Europeans tend to use kissing on the cheek as a greeting, but many Americans seem uncomfortable with this custom. On the other hand, hugging is a common greeting for some Americans. This is not as common among Europeans. Usually, these differences in customs do not lead to misunderstandings, although some people may feel a little uncomfortable. However, my friend travels for business and has told about some misunderstandings he has seen in other countries. On one trip to Korea, an American business man rested the side of his shoe against the table during a break in the meeting. The bottom of his shoe was facing some of the Koreans. Apparently, this was considered very disrespectful and the Koreans refused to continue the meeting with that person in the room.

As I have traveled around the United States, I have noticed that the large cities on the coast (like San Francisco) tend to be more open to nonverbal behavior from other cultures. I assume this is because there is more immigration in these areas and a greater mix of cultures.

Nonverbal messages are often misinterpreted

I have noticed that nonverbal communications are often open to misinterpretation, particularly in the context of dating and personal relationships. In the past, when I was first dating someone new, I would pay close attention to nonverbal communications to get some feedback. In one example, some friends tried to introduce me to someone new at a social event. We started talking and I sat down on a couch. Instead of sitting next to me, he sat in a chair next to the couch. I interpreted that as a sign that he was not interested. However, I was wrong. He was very interested but did not want to be imposing as I learned later. He later became my husband.

People can improve the accuracy of interpreting nonverbal communications by looking for confirmations of the message and avoiding putting too much weight on an isolated action. For example, when I met my future husband, he seemed interested in our conversation and leaned towards me when he talked. He looked directly into my eyes and did not get distracted by other people around us. Even though he did not sit next to me, these other actions helped overcome my initial impression that he was not interested. I have also found that verbal comments can be used to help confirm a message. It many contexts, such as dating, it may be difficult to ask someone directly what they mean. However, the other person’s reaction to verbal comments related to the nonverbal action can help confirm the interpretation.

Memory

The reading discusses factors affecting memory. The reading states that stress is one of the biggest impediments to memory and may make us unlikely to remember events accurately. In my own experience, I have noticed that stress can actually make a memory more vivid and longer lasting, but also inaccurate. For example, a few years ago I had to take one of my family members to the emergency room. We did not know how serious the problem was and thought it could be life threatening. Some of my most vivid memories are of that day. However, when I returned to the hospital later and walked by the emergency room, it looked very differently than I remembered it. Everything seemed smaller. My memory had magnified the size of the room (and probably the number of people waiting in it), the distance from the parking lot and the length of the hallways.

The reading also suggests that, when studying for a test, you should study only a single subject area to avoid retroactive inhibition. The reading also suggests visualization and other mnemonic devices to aid memory. I have used these techniques to study for tests and they have worked well for a test the next day. After a test I had forgotten everything. I did not create vivid or long term memories like I did with the emergency room. I have found that revisiting the material over a longer period of time gives me a longer term memory. Things that I really learn, I have heard over and over or have used many times. If I study in a relaxed environment and reinforce the materials over a longer period of time, I also tend to be accurate and avoid retroactive inhibition even though other events have occurred in between. On the other hand, if I learn material quickly in a stressed environment before a mid-term, it is difficult for me to accurately recall the information for the final exam without studying all over again.

Judgments in perceiving others

I do not think it is possible to perceive others without in some way judging or categorizing them. We base our perception on past experiences. In order to make sense of the world around us, we compare new perceptions to those we have had in the past.
We cannot process all new information every time we see a new person and need shot cuts to make sense of what is happening around us. We often categorize and judge people (consciously or unconsciously) based on their physical appearance, how they dress, how they speak, what they choose to speak about and how they respond when we speak to them.
For example, when I see someone every day, I do not notice gradual changes. Whenever I see the person, I do not re-evaluate my perception – they are the same person in my mind. However, when someone else sees the same person after a long period of time, their physical behavior or appearance my no longer match their prior perception and the person has to relabeled.
We have to realize that we use short cuts and remind ourselves to engage in mindful processing as well. We need to remind ourselves to re-evaluate and look for areas where we may have jumped to a conclusion or unfairly judged others.
I sometimes rely on my judgments and overlook changes. It happens during discussions with my husband. He may be raising the topic to make a different point than he has made in the past. I walk away from the conversation thinking I heard something similar to what we have discussed before, but miss the new point he is making. When I check my perceptions by making comments and asking questions, I find myself less likely to do this.

Gender and communication

I do agree that men and women tend to communicate differently.
There is a difference in focus in discussing personal matters. If I have a problem or an emotional concern, my husband tries to find a solution. He is very task and goal oriented. Once he has analyzed the problem and recommended a solution, he becomes disengaged. He wants to fix the problem, although I am often just looking for emotional support. When I discuss the same issues with my sister, she usually shares her experiences in dealing with similar problems and lets me know that she understands how I feel. She connects with me and validates my feelings. Both my husband and my sister provide support, but in very different ways.
I also notice that women tend to talk more about family and relationship issues, and men tend to talk more about events, like sports and politics. In mixed groups, men tend to dominate the conversations.
We recently had a group of friends visit from Poland. When I spoke to the women, they were all very talkative and shared information about how everyone was doing (focusing on family and relationships). When the men and women spoke together, the women tended to pause, often just nodding and smiling. The men became very engaged in discussions of current politics. They took sides on the issues and sometimes interrupted on another. The women contributed comments that helped guide the conversation, but did not take the lead in the conversation.
These differences seem to be most apparent in personal, family and social settings. I have not noticed these differences as much in educational or work settings. This makes me think that many of these differences result from upbringing and social influences, although biological tendencies likely play a role as well.