Nonverbal messages are often misinterpreted

I have noticed that nonverbal communications are often open to misinterpretation, particularly in the context of dating and personal relationships. In the past, when I was first dating someone new, I would pay close attention to nonverbal communications to get some feedback. In one example, some friends tried to introduce me to someone new at a social event. We started talking and I sat down on a couch. Instead of sitting next to me, he sat in a chair next to the couch. I interpreted that as a sign that he was not interested. However, I was wrong. He was very interested but did not want to be imposing as I learned later. He later became my husband.

People can improve the accuracy of interpreting nonverbal communications by looking for confirmations of the message and avoiding putting too much weight on an isolated action. For example, when I met my future husband, he seemed interested in our conversation and leaned towards me when he talked. He looked directly into my eyes and did not get distracted by other people around us. Even though he did not sit next to me, these other actions helped overcome my initial impression that he was not interested. I have also found that verbal comments can be used to help confirm a message. It many contexts, such as dating, it may be difficult to ask someone directly what they mean. However, the other person’s reaction to verbal comments related to the nonverbal action can help confirm the interpretation.